Just fyi, it is totally possible to transition as a low income individual. It can be done pretty damn cheaply, at least in L.A. However, it does require a great deal of patience, which can be agonizing for transfolk depending on the severity of dysphoria. To me, though, it’s worth taking my time with transition because so many things change, and I think it’s important to take the time to process it all as it happens. I will say, while I thought going in I was totally prepared for what I’d go through on hormones, I wasn’t. It’s been a hell of a ride, and I still have a ways to go. Don’t get me wrong, I am very comfortable with my male identity and very strongly identify with it, but hormone changes can be damn intense. I will be posting the steps I took in my transition and how I did it cheaply when I get closer to top surgery.
The passing of Robin Williams has brought some things to the forefront of my mind. Most of my life, I have spent with the expectation of dying young. I never planned on making it this far.
About a year ago, I started to feel more comfortable in my skin, and it’s only gotten better as hormone treatment progresses, and I made a decision that I actually want to experience life…I want to see the adventures life takes me on. Boy, has it been one hell of a ride, and it’s not over yet, by a long shot. For most of my life, I didn’t bother making long term plans for my future because I was dead set on “live fast die young”…and trust me, I gave that theory a hell of a go.
Now that I have goals for my life and know where I want to go, I’ve been taking action after action to get there, and I often feel like giving up because much of the time my efforts seem futile. …but then I remind myself that anything worth having will involve many struggles, which makes it feel even better once it’s accomplished, and I just keep going, one day at a time. Some of life’s adventures blow my mind in such a good way that I can make it through the disastrous ones, with the help of a few good friends.
If any of you are going through it, know you can always inbox me for an ear to listen, so to speak. Love you guys so much and know, you don’t have to do this thing called life on your own! Xoxox
1. Stop faking your fucking orgasms. Society already tells young men that they run the fucking universe - if they can’t turn your cunt into a shooting star then for god’s sake, let them know about it.
2. Once you’ve stopped faking your fucking orgasms, use this newfound honesty throughout the rest of your life - stop ordering coffee you don’t actually like; stop sitting at a desk and allowing people to treat you like shit in the hopes that a meek attitude will earn you a promotion (it won’t); stop telling people they can finish your food when you’re not actually done yet. These may seem petty, but they add up, just like every orgasm you didn’t actually get to have.
3. If you wanna dance all night, dance all fucking night. Dance all night even if you have work in the morning. The worst that will happen is you’ll drink RedBull all day and look like a zombie - pass it off as a head cold to the real zombies you work with and flick through the embarrassing photos you’re being tagged in as you pretend to take a shit for some peace and quiet. I promise, you’ll remember dancing all night in ten years, not the suspicious way your boss looked at you that morning.
4. If your ass looks big in that, that’s a good thing.
5. You will never be as young as you are this second. Embrace it.
6. Embrace the fact that you’re going to get older. Ask your boyfriend if he will still love you when you’re seventy and your tits are down to your knees. Look forward to this time - seventy year old women are allowed to do pretty much whatever they want, and no-one can stop them. You can carry candy in your bag and not share it with a single soul. You can stay home all day and cross-stitch expletives onto handkerchiefs for your grandchildren and slip them under the table out of sight of the people you raised. You can drink whisky at 10am. Every phase of your life is going to be amazing for different reasons. Embrace that.
7. A lot of people will pretend to love Bukowski. Don’t pretend to love Bukowski if you don’t love Bukowski. It’s overplayed and no-one will mind if you actually like Virginia Andrews instead - the people who do mind are boring.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT [mostly for those of the older generation - middle age and above…or anyone who thinks tattoos and piercings make you a “hooligan”]:
Tattoos and piercings mean one thing: we like to express our individuality as human beings. For me, it’s a way of celebrating our differences as human beings.
They DO NOT define our character or our morals. Most of us are upstanding citizens with good moral grounding. I have no criminal history. I vote. I go to city council meetings and county council meetings. I participate in my government. I am employed. I work very hard for independence. I do my best to follow the laws we vote on. I am tattooed and pierced and proud of it because it makes me, me. Stop judging people by their outside shell America, and slow down just a bit to get to know people before judging them.
This concludes our public service announcement for the day. Enjoy the rest of your scrolling.
A: Love, Meaningful Relationships, Independence, Strength, Compassion, Self-love, Self-respect, to gain the ability to provide for and protect those who are worth it: children, animals, those who are honest and good and genuine. I seek to be a good human, a human always yearning to learn and grow and become better, to be taking actions to better myself, to be true to myself, to be able to look back at my life and be proud of how I lived it.
As long as I have these things to seek, I have things to live for…a reason to get up each day — because I have things to do, goals to achieve, someone to be…and the great news is: nothing can get in my way if I don’t let it. Obstacles only exist if I believe in them.